Posted by birdsrule, TC Advisor on 7/5/2008, 8:47 pm, in reply to "Be careful when you choose internet friends"

Sometimes we tend to wear our hearts on our sleeves...and that makes it easy to get it broken. But when we help people, out of the goodness of our hearts and as a good Christian does, then we are wrong for expecting anything at all in return...even friendship, or even a smile or kind word. It's like handing a homeless person $5 and then expecting them to go spend it wisely on food...but knowing they will likely buy a pack of cigarettes or a beer. Or expecting that homeless person to sit and tell you their life story, or listen to yours...and then become your friend. There are people that we encounter in life that we choose to help...and that act of kindness should always be given in a purely altruistic manner. Nothing, and I mean nothing, should ever be expected in return. And yes...it does hurt sometimes when the help we give does not meet "our" expectations. But that's when we need to take a step back and re-evaluate our expectations...and refrain from placing our own ideals onto others...because no one will ever be able to live up to what we think they should be. Placing expectations on a random act of kindness is unrealistic...and it will always be doomed to fail. And you will continue to have your heart hurt in those situations. If you choose to continue to help people, try to do so without having any expectations for something in return. Give with your heart...and not with your head. God sends us people throughout our entire lives...and sometimes we help them...and sometimes they help us. But in either situation...no one should have their feelings hurt for doing God's work or giving freely to help someone out, and neither should the person receiving the act of kindness that was given freely to them. If feelings are hurt...then the reason for the act of kindness should be looked at more closely. You CHOOSE to help...and you can always say no. So if you CHOOSE to give someone a hand...why then would you put conditions on the "relationship"...even if it's just 2 minutes long when you hand $5 to the homeless person on the corner? It's not fair to your heart...and it's certainly not fair to the person you are helping. So in trying to do something good and help someone out...you have just created a lose-lose situation for both you and them. God gives us tests like this...and perhaps if you look inside yourself you will see that the lesson you might be missing out on is actually to give...without expecting anything in return. Sometimes we can choose to give...without becoming a full-time caretaker. And those are the best and most self-fulfilling opportunities to do God's work. I'm just asking that you mull it over and think about it...and ask yourself why it is that you give, but then place expectations on that act of kindness. Looking inside yourself and realizing that it's futile to place any sort of expectation on anyone you're helping may prevent you from getting hurt in the future. Love and hugs....Kay and Rocky

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Posted by joann on 7/6/2008, 12:41 am, in reply to "Be careful when you choose internet friends"

My dear Pat; I happen to pop in tonight just to read the posts as i have not been able to get to visit here for a bit and i read your post. I want to just say God Bless You and make you strong. I don't know what situation you got involved in that hurt you but cyberspace is no better or worst than the people we meet and learn to interact with. No one can put limataions on what we do or say or why we do or say it or how and if we do or say it except our selves and no one including ourselves can put expectations on any experiences --good or bad. We give of ourselves with our hearts and can't in good consiences expect any thing in return wheither our experiences are good or bad. I have met so many wonderful people on line --some of them are like family --some i met here on these boards; others i met thur family or friends or thru the things i have been thru but none of these friends do i expect or want to owe me anything not even their friendship or kindness unless it is given with no expectations back. because i am me and what comes from me wheither its friendship,kindness or smypathy or just plain acquantcese is from my inner being ,my core.my heart. You must realize and know, one can not even expect family to be support in any situation unless it comes from their heart.and a want to, to do it. I feel so bad that you got hurt from someone or something you gave your heart and soul into but look at it as an experience you know not to repeat in the same way and if you reach out and touch someone that you can only hope that someone is kind enought to be someone that will touch back with no wants or expectations except what it is and that should be a caring shoulder if they need it, a hug if they need and want it and a hope that it become a lasting friendship but know it can't have any holds , life is what we make it and if giving with any hope of getting something back is in the picture than you will get hurt because its a friendship with a strangle hold and never does these work. my long windedness needs to stop. know you are a dear person and nothing given from the heart is a lost but please step back and reavailuate the situations and maybe you will see a better outcome to it all. anyway dear lady hugs and love yours JoAnn

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Posted by Anne-Samantha's Mom on 7/6/2008, 10:17 am, in reply to "Be careful when you choose internet friends"

I am always careful..so sorry you were hurt by someone..hugs

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Posted by Angela From New Zealand on 7/10/2008, 1:36 am, in reply to "Be careful when you choose internet friends"

Aww Pat I can relate not with a internet case but somebody I put my trust in and she turned my children aganist me :0( Ive learnt the hard way that there are some nasty people out there :0(

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Posted by LK on 7/13/2008, 9:43 am, in reply to "Be careful when you choose internet friends"

Pat, look at it this way. YOU are the better person, and the one who hurts people in return for a person's kindness, has to live with their guilt. And we all know what guilt can do. It eats you upside. I don't care how 'hard' or 'insensitive' the person is, they WILL be affected by their treatment onto those who helped them. In the end, it is THEM who suffer. You are more angry, but they will be hurt the most. So in essence, you are the better person, and they will live a life of regrets. (((( Pat )))) Hang in there!

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